Secluded Teens
April 10, 2008
Has your teen become withdrawn? When I was growing up, I found myself alone many times. Everytime I decided it was time to leave my group and fit into another group, I’d become secluded. For me it was an alone time to figure out if the new group was going to work. But for the most part, It was my way of dealing with embarassment. If I felt embarrassed, seclusion was the only way I had to deal with the issue. Or another reason was depression or feelings of sadness. Guess you can say I was hiding from reality.
It’s strange that when you seclude yourself, everyone around you can sense and see it. Friends and family will come up and ask what’s wrong and offer assistance. Could it be a sub-conscious action to get attention? A way to dramatize the situation?
It’s difficult to enter into the world of a secluded teen because of depression. Since the person is not really speaking or letting out what’s bothering them, you just can’t get in there until the person is ready to talk. This could be disasterous because the longer the person is secluded, the more the pressure from their emotions build until it finally blows-up. When this happens, it could be deadly!
So how can we reach in and help?
Well, with technology, mainly the internet, teens have a place they can go and at least let out what is bothering them. They may not get the answers they are looking for, but at minimum, they get it off their chest and that’s half the battle.
That action alone reduces pressure and gains you a little more time to get in there to help. The flip-side is that they may get bad information on the internet and follow the advice of the wrong people. You heard stories of a “suicide-pact” right? It’s where a group of mis-guided teenagers decide to ban together and show their respect for each other by commiting suicide.
Why do they do this? The group offers them a sense of belonging, excitement and it fills their void after coming out of seclusion.
One of the things my mom did when I had been depressed for a long while is my parents took me to a hula dance show. Of course I didn’t really want to go, but there was going to be food and hula dancing. So I reluctantly went because I was hungry and there was a very cute hula dancer that just mesmerized me. I still wasn’t able to talk to anyone about what was bothering me, but at least it got me out and gave me something to focus on beside my troubles.
Eventually I came out of it by “spilling the beans” to my friend. He actually jumped over the fence (I lived in a building with a security gate) and banged on my door. I was pretty much shocked but what he said and did, stunned me. I told him that I was feeling depressed and didn’t want to talk to anybody. What did he say? Nothing at first… he cried (shocked me) and said “Russ, we’ve been friends for a long time, but you hurt me. I thought our friendship was strong enough that we could tell each other anything. Maybe I was wrong?” It was then that I realized my actions were affecting other people. So he was pissed off at me for a while but it made our friendship stronger. I really couldn’t believe he cried, but it shocked me enough to change what I was doing.
Another good friend had asked me how I was doing. I told her I had been feeling depressed and lonely for a while. She asked me, “well, what have you been doing at home all by yourself?” I said, just listening to music and playing poker on the internet. Then she asked what kind of music I was listening to. I told her “Don Ho” he’s a Hawaiian musician that plays and sings sad melancholy type of music. She said “STOP LISTENING TO THAT! It’s ok to listen to when you are happy, but if you are sad, it will only make yourself sadder”.
So by sitting all alone and listenting to sad music, I just became more and more secluded, until a couple of friends and a mom, started breaking the cycle of my depression. I can’t imagine where I would be today if it weren’t for those 3 people at the time.
So what is sad music? It’s a “trigger”! It starts the cycle of thinking sad and depressing thoughts. It sets the mood on how you will feel. What is the alternative? happy or upbeat nusic that induces joy and inspiration.
Don’t watch sad movies when you are depressed either. If you can cutoff things that make a person sad and replace it with something happy, something stupid, or something inspiring. Just break the cycle.
Here’s a tip that I just thought of and analyzed while taking a break. Up until that point I was in a serious mood and thinking about the power of music. The song that popped into my head was from a cartoon called “The Flintstones”. The song is called “Let The Sunshine In” Immediately I could feel my mood change to an upbeat, I can conquer anything frame of mind.
So my suggestion is if you have a teen who is depressed, play some of the songs they used to like and blast it until they can hear it. Worse case, it might irritate them and get them off their butt to open their door and say “why are you listening to that” or “can you turn that down!” But what you are doing is trying to break the cycle. At best, it will conjure up feelings of happiness and pleasure from the past to also break the cycle.
russ
[…] Teen Hope - Never Give Up Hope For Your Teen wrote an interesting post today on Secluded TeensHere’s a quick excerpt So I reluctantly went because I was hungry and there was a very cute hula dancer that just mesmerized me. … #8221; I said, just listening to music and playing poker on the internet…. […]